Said no one ever! This doesn’t just apply to Mom’s but Stay-at-Home Dad’s too I’m sure! But, since I am a woman, I can’t speak for how men handle being at home. I can just give my opinions and experiences on the subject. I love being a stay-at-home Mom! If I truly feel like having a lazy day, I can do it! When I was working full-time, sure I could have lazy days but there was still a level of work required to “look busy” and certain tasks that HAD to be completed. Obviously being a Stay-at-Home Mom is not easy. There are a lot of aspects to this vocation that you just don’t think about until you’re living it. As a Stay-at-Home parent, so many things depend on you. The cooking, the cleaning, organizing the house, grocery shopping, event planning, taking care of children, etc. I do enjoy most of these tasks too, minus cleaning the bathrooms! What gets me thinking about this right now is just how much is can wear you down sometimes.
For instance, when everyone is sick, who looks after everyone? Me! Why should Josh get up with the kids when he has to work in the morning? I want to make sure he has a good night sleep so he can be prepared and have a good day’s work the next day and he doesn’t need to be tired, get sick, and have to use sick days. Plus, I don’t need to deal with the typical “man cold” and everything that goes with it! The same goes for the kids minus the whole man cold thing. But what happens when I’m sick and the kids are sick? Well, this is when I call in for reinforcements and plan ahead as much as possible. This is when I will get dinner ready early and make sure the kids eat before Josh gets home. I make sure the kids are getting ready for bed, brushing teeth, the whole shabang. I get everything and everyone prepared so I can go to bed early. Josh gets home around 6 pm so I let him eat and settle in for half an hour before I head upstairs to get a good amount of sleep before Josh heads to bed. He is more the night owl and I tend to go to bed around 9 pm or 10 pm. So, this will allow me to get a decent 4 hours of sleep before potentially having to get up with any kids in the middle of the night. I think that is a fair trade off when I use all of my energy to get through the day, because I am just as sick as the kids. I mean, when the kids are sick in the house, it is like a war on the virus. You will win some battles, and the virus will win some battles, but in the end, you want to win the war. Well, the current war that is raging in the Amell house has been going on for almost 3 weeks; well off and on for almost 3 weeks.
It all started when Joshua came home from school on a Friday afternoon. He complained that he had a headache and then half an hour later, he is completely sick to his stomach. All evening and into the night I am taking care of him. The next one to get it is Jonny. He is sick to his stomach for Saturday and Sunday. Like lying in bed and instead of bringing the bucket next to his bed, he ends up getting sick all over himself and his bed. Then when he is in the bath, he leans out of the tub to get sick! I cannot lie, after I walked out of the bathroom and told Josh, we had a good chuckle over the thought process on that one! Thankfully by Sunday evening, he looks to be coming out the other side of it. By Saturday evening, Joshua was over his flu episode too. It looks like we’re going to win this war with only a couple of casualties.
Then, Monday morning comes! Jonathan, Joseph and Jordanna are all sick to their stomachs! Two more days of washing bedding, rinsing out puke buckets, battling fevers, and trying to get some sort of food into them. Wednesday evening comes and everyone is feeling better, thank goodness! Everyone ate a full meal at dinner time and there were no more pale faces or upset stomachs. We may be winning the war at last! Thursday morning comes and Jonny, Joseph, and Jordanna are back into battle. I’m washing bedding, rinsing puke buckets, washing soiled clothing, battling fevers, and trying to get medicine and food into everyone. I am determined to win this war! Josh starts feeling sick now; Jordanna has only eaten one good meal in almost 5 days; the kids have lived on liquids and toast for days now, except Joshua. He’s watching from the sidelines completely fine and healthy after bringing the virus home and winning his little 24 hour battle. I get Jordanna to a walk-in clinic because by Friday, she had only eaten one good meal in about 5 days and was starting to refuse liquids and she had me worried! All they did was perform a Covid test and told me to wait 24 hours. If she didn’t improve, bring her back. I almost felt defeated at this point. As a parent with not a lot of medical knowledge I’m thinking “I’ve waited days and am bringing her to you because I’m scared she’s getting dehydrated and more problems are going to start coming!” I thought I communicated that during the appointment, but obviously with their medical knowledge, they knew she was either going to pull through within 24 hours or they would start putting some things into action to get her feeling better. Miraculously, by Saturday evening, everyone was feeling better. They were starting to eat more foods, drink more liquids and they were keeping it all in! The war has been won!
I finally got to rest for a day or two before Josh had to get a wisdom tooth pulled. However, this rest wasn’t typical rest. It was catching up on over a week’s worth of regular laundry, cleaning, getting the garden ready for planting, restocking the shelves in the house, and any other regular household duties we needed completed. Cue Josh’s wisdom tooth extraction and it was another week and a half of taking care of another person feeling under the weather and in pain. He didn’t want to eat food until his mouth started to heal, so each morning he needed an Advil and a Boost so his pain levels were low enough for him to get up and handle the day. I’m not downplaying his pain levels here, but the level of care needed was similar to that of a man experiencing a cold….
Now that we’re on the other side of that, somehow everyone is sick again! This time it’s sore throats, runny noses, no energy and this time, I’ve been hit hard. However, as a Stay-at-Home Mom, there’s no rest when you want/need the rest. During the day, I’m still taking care of the sick kids, cooking meals, doing laundry, and tidying up. During the night, I get interrupted sleep due to sick kids needing snuggles because that’s the only thing that helps them feel better. There was one night that Jordanna could not sleep lying down. Perhaps her stomach was that upset that when she lay down, she would feel more sick, but either way she needed to lie on me to sleep, all night. I could barely lift my arms due to muscle and body aches, and had zero appetite and energy. These snuggles definitely warm the heart though and make it all worth it!
The type of work involved with staying at home is different than going to work. Home is the place you can relax, unwind, have fun, spend quality time with the family, etc. You need to learn to separate the fun, relaxing aspect of home life, from the tasks that need to be done if you are a Stay-at-Home Mom. Laundry is done more often now than when I went to work. The house gets cleaned more than when I worked. I make a lot more meals and food from scratch then when I went to work. This year I am growing a massive garden and have planned out all the things I want to grow, make, and preserve at home so I don’t have to buy it at the grocery store. With 2 little ones at home, their needs are also tended to each day as well as learning ABC’s, 123’s, how to walk, how to talk, etc.
Being a Stay-at-Home Mom has always been my dream! I guess I just never realized how hard it was to be a parent. You will never know how hard it is until you become one. There’s no preparation for working 24 hours a day for years on end because even when you’re sleeping, your subconscious is still listening to those little sounds of a little one having a nightmare, or getting up to pee, or an odd noise in the house. Your subconscious is always on high alert to keep the family safe. This is true for parents in general, not just stay-at-home parents!
I remember working full-time, coming home, and having to clean, cook, and take care of the kids. Homework, dinner, baths, brushing teeth, and bedtime all had to happen before you have a chance of putting your feet up for a few minutes. The difference, I feel like anyway, is that when you’re the Stay-at-Home parent, the working parent tends to rely on you for a lot more. They want to relax after coming home from work. Home is where is they get to relax, unwind, have fun, and be their true selves. Not that I think this happens on purpose, but since Josh has to work, I wouldn’t expect him to get up in the middle of the night to take care of sick kids, or shovel the kids onto him the second he walks in the door unless I absolutely need a few minutes to myself. Perhaps I’m just putting more duties onto myself and not asking for help because I think this is what I’m supposed to do, who knows. But as parents in general, we persevere through the tough times because our family deserves our unconditional love and support right!
Either way though, being a parent is definitely the hardest vocation I’ve lived yet but it is by far the most rewarding. Nothing compares to snuggles from someone that you created. Nothing compares to knowing your child feels safe and at home and can be their true selves at home with you. They can make mistakes without feeling judged. They know failures are only stepping stones to success and are learning experiences. Nothing compares to watching your child learn something you taught them or the joy on their faces when you play with them. It can be very easy to get caught up in technology, work, and social media but our children are only little for so long and they need our attention to thrive and grow. So, I guess this is my reminder to myself and to you to pay attention. Spend quality time with your loved ones, show them how much you care, love them unconditionally, and be present! It’s also my reminder to thank those who raised me. It’s not easy being a parent, whether biological or by choice. So thank you Mom, Dad, and Winnie for choosing to be present, love me, and raise me! I have big shoes to fill in the parent department and will do my best to give my family the best memories and experiences and be the best example I can be. We can only try to be better than we were yesterday, right?!
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